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Archive for the ‘Killing’ Category

My parents tried to introduce me to the idea of death and funerals at an early age. Their thought process was that if they treated the idea as normal and just a natural part of life than I wouldn’t think too much of it. The thing was-I had a mind of my own and it was filled with anxiety. For a long long long time I was terrified of death. Not just of my own mortality but my loved ones as well. Whenever I would leave my parents, uncles/aunts or grandma I would tell myself “This is going to be the last goodbye”. It was hell. I worked hard to change my thought process and thankfully I have learned to embrace the idea of death without crumbling at the very thought of it. Shirley MacLaine believes in reincarnation. I’m not sure if I do too but I do believe our souls never die and if that’s the case then we never die. War is pointless, if death doesn’t mean anything. The thing is our society wants us to fear death. They want us to be afraid so we buy things to make us feel like we’re cheating death-Earthquake survival kits, medicines, insurance policies, etc. Not to mention, a group that is afraid is easier to control than a group that is brave. My suggestion? Live live LIVE your life loud. In the end/beginning/transition, we are alone. Let’s embrace it and not be afraid anymore so are world can be healthier and happier!

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Obviously. It goes without saying. But, I’m talking on an even lesser scale. I killed an insect.Usually I don’t have much remorse but this time it was different. It was a yellow jacket bee and trapping him was too easy. He was on the wall of my bathroom and I only hesitated a moment before I grabbed the hand soap bottle. I intended to smush him but since the bottom of the bottle was concave, it merely caged him. He barely flinched until I dragged along the wall without thinking it would injure him. Trying to bring him to the bring him down to where the wall met the floor, his little legs got stuck under the rim. Ugh, his legs were then broken so when I released the bottle from against the wall he fell into the bucket. He was a big guy. I witnessed him struggle and looked him in his bugged eyes when I apologized. I forced myself to watch him because it was me who had harmed him so frivolously. He was probably crying a little bee cry. Once I had seen all I could I dumped him into the toilet and flushed him. Hours afterwards, it stayed with me. Guilt. I couldn’t help but wonder why didn’t I instinctively try to trap him first and release him outside? I hadn’t been scared of him, I’ve never been one of those people who freak out when a bee is near (I have a low tolerance for those people). It may seem silly but if we had more value and respect for lives seemingly smaller then ours than maybe we could find more value in each other’s lives.

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