Archive for the ‘Help’ Category

I used to be one of those girls that believed I was more of a guy’s girl. I didn’t “like” girls. It’s embarrassing to admit but I would say things like “they’re too catty” or “they love drama”. The best part of that is I was being catty and creating drama by having that attitude. In the past 5 years or so I’ve really changed my outlook without even trying and because of it I’ve not only created incredible friendships with new females but strengthened the ones I already had. Men and women are so different and as a woman, I don’t think it’s fair for me to depend on a man to give me everything I need (which, I have to admit, can be a LOT at times). Both genders have their strengths as well as their weaknesses so, why not rely on the strengths and not blame everyone for their weaknesses? Females are not only born cheerleaders but they are compassionate, listeners and eager to help  so why would I want to close myself off to that sort of support? I don’t know where the anomosity stems from; jealousy, insecurity, superiority but those negative attitudes only act as barriers in our path of growing, learning and moving along. So, ladies, be kind and good to your sisters because we are all in need of the same thing and we are all capable of giving which allows us to be open to receive. Namaste.

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There are only a few things that bother me more than passive aggressiveness. It’s not healthy, it’s not proactive and it’s not straight up. Passive aggressiveness is the consequence when someone is unable to say no or “I don’t like this”. I think in our world today we tend to overcommit ourselves and spread ourselves too thin. Not to mention no one wants to be the “bad guy”, we don’t want to disappoint or hurt feelings. Part of me even believes that politeness is ruining our social society. It’s okay to not agree, feel hurt and be unable to do something for someone else and it’s alright to express those things. Communication is key and most of the time it’s not just the words but rather the delivery. People are sensitive, even the ones who pretend that they’re not (usually they are the most sensitive) and how you say something to someone can be more important than the words themselves. There’s no need to say “no” in a snide and annoyed way but rather “Ohh, bummer. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that”. It’s easy. Try it. I love saying “no” (I promise I’m not a tease, though) and find it very liberating!

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I’m feeling awfully guilty. Today, I went to the coffee shop to work and sat down at a table with another man. When I put my stuff down at the table he stood up, smiled and told me that he was a gentleman and would be honored to sit with such a beautiful girl. We shook hands and introduced ourselves, his name was Jim. I plugged myself in and after politely engaging in some conversation I was eager to put my headphones on and zone into my own world. I smiled and nodded at what Jim had to say hoping it would be enough to camouflage my impatience and irritation.  He told me he was a storyteller. “Great” I thought, “storytellers love to talk”. Then he asked if I knew the difference between a storyteller and a writer. I simply responded with “No”. I resigned to the fact that it was going to be awhile before I was going to be able to get any work done and switched gears. I told myself that someone was trying to teach me something in this moment and instead of resisting a lesson I needed to be embracing it. So, I listened. Jim went on and on. He spoke about Henry Kissinger, the Cuban Missile crisis, New York Times Op Ed writers, his own struggles, emotion, experience and people. In only a matter of minutes, it was apparent that Jim was extremely smart and there was no question that his intelligence far exceeded my own. However that wasn’t our only difference. Jim is physically challenged. His speech is slow and slurred, his hands and arms are crippled and his walk is crooked. I don’t like that I use these things to describe him because those things are so small in comparison to him as a whole. Yet, as a human, I can’t help but not only see these things but truly be unable to disregard them. After Jim asks me for some help plugging his phone into its charger, refill his water and open a packet of crackers for him he asks me if I’m married. I smile and shake my head. He asks if I have a boyfriend and again I shake my head. He tells me he doesn’t have anyone either and it’s because people judge him on his exterior. I feel a tinge in my heart. I want to tell him that I can relate and that people judge me on my appearance but I stop myself when I realize that my issue isn’t comparable and that I’m just like all those other people who have hurt Jim. It doesn’t matter if I’m not embarrassed engaging with him or having people stare at us as he talks to me but because there’s no way I could ever be attracted to Jim, I feel guilty. As hard as I try to love and accept everyone, I’m just as guilty as the people who have hurt me. I feel as though I don’t deserve anyone to love me because right here, there’s someone ready to love me and I’m rejecting it due to superficial reasons. If only we weren’t so human, this world would be a better place.

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Most of us living in the US of A have led pretty charmed lives. Sure, we had our adolescent struggles as well as our fair share of disagreements with our parents. It’s an understatement when I tell you that I was angry at my parents for most of my teenage years. Not only was I grounded from the age of 12 until I was 18 but in this time my dad kicked me out of the house for not washing dishes properly as well as didn’t talk nor look at me for bringing home a D in conduct on a report card. Did he handle these situations rationally? No, not at all. I even went to therapy with them, for them and because of them. What it all boils down to is they did the best they could with what they were taught. I know my Dad loves me, was scared I was going to turn into him and only wanted me to succeed. If you didn’t have a parent like that, I’m sorry. That’s horrible and you didn’t deserve it however, stop giving them power over your life. It’s only you, right now, always and forever so live how you want to live. One of grandma’s, I won’t name names, is in her seventies and still blaming her parents for her “horrible” life. This doesn’t just boggle my mind but makes me feel so sad that this woman is not even a woman in so many ways. She’s stunted, debilitated and imprisoned by merely an emotion. If this sounds anything like how you feel then free yourself and forgive! Don’t be my grandma (unless you want to bake me cookies and tell me how wonderful I am).

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Read whatever you want, just read! Listen to people’s perspectives, funny moments, horrifying experiences and beliefs. We all want to be heard but to truly be heard we also need to listen. It doesn’t matter if you agree, disagree, laugh, cry or feel nothing at all. What’s important is that you are active in the search to find something that sticks in your brain and not in your ass, hips or thighs. Junk is so frivolous, fleeting and fake. People consume that crap because they’re souls are hungry for nutrients. Nourish yourself. Read!

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#1 Cheap labor, #2 lots of endurance and #3 they love hard physical activity.  I’m kidding. Well, kind of. My parents didn’t make me work-for a looooong time. They definitely encouraged it however, when you encourage an adolescent, they do the opposite. That’s why you need to get them young. Children are sponges and no matter how small a moment or insignificant a lesson might seem, to them-it’s life changing. Not to mention, routine is so important. The repetitive activities are what create their memories of their childhood, creating their safe nostalgic zone. So, when they grow up and become the adults they are meant to be they usually incorporate those same things their parents did with them. It’s in the groceries they buy, the way they wash their dishes or what they do before they go to bed. The thing is, if you give your kids little jobs to do around the house, things that are a part of the routine, they’ll learn that those things are just things you do. Today, so many people have no idea how to make a bed, do their laundry, cook a decent meal or even grow a plant. Allowances can be added but maybe for bigger jobs because it’s important to learn how all work isn’t work you get paid for (that’s still one that I have a hard time with).

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Went it comes to certain things, I’m kind of a baby. Spiders, mountain lions, ghosts, mind control, etc. The thing is, I’m usually afraid of the intangible. Unless, it’s a wild animal. It obviously has to do with control and for some reason, if anything bad were to arise where I had to defend myself (except for a wild animal) I believe I would come out on top. Again, I have no idea where this confidence in protecting myself against a serial killer or a drive by shooting but I have it and whether it’s false or not, I love it. The thing is, fear so many times stops us from living our lives to the fullest. This is when regret happens and when regret occurs resentment and bitterness are not too far behind. I don’t ever want to be an old bitter bitty so I have to do the things that scare me, like old Eleanor said. Every single time I’ve ever been scared, not only have I been thrilled and learned something new but I’ve also changed and grown more into the person that I want to be. I used to be scared of being alone until I drove cross country by myself without knowing if I had enough money or not. Everyone’s fears are different but whatever yours might be-whether it’s socializing, speaking up for yourself, hurting yourself, being rejected, embarrasing yourself-embrace it and charge at it. Don’t let fear stop you from believing in something different, living your life to the fullest or becoming the you that you are supposed to be. Your happiness and freedom can make this world a better place.

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I LOVE animals. Sometimes I get nervous I might squeeze them to death because I love them so much. I’m definitely that girl that stops and asks if I can pet your dog and then talks to it in a creepy, deep, baby voice. However, I don’t have any pets and there’s a few reasons why:

#1 Billions of humans in our world are starving to death. Animals have the means, natural instinct and motivation to hunt and feed themselves. We should be feeding those that can’t feed themselves.

#2 I feel as though our culture has gotten so involved in a codependent, dysfunctional pet/owner relationship. Animals don’t talk-they can’t complain, they don’t have an opinion, they love the hand that feeds them, most of them liked to be snuggled/pet, you can leave them and come back without a fight, etc. It’s a justifiable selfish relationship.

#3 Animals are animals. They need to run, hunt, be chased, catch their food, eat gross things we don’t like to see or touch, get dirty, clean themselves. These are things they don’t get to do when domesticated.

#4 In 2001, according to the Census Bureau via homelessnessinamerica.com, 35 million Americans were without homes. How can I coddle, support and spend money on something that could live and survive on it’s own when there’s human beings out there struggling like that? Whenever there’s a natural disaster, thousands swoop in to rescue the animals. But…what about the babies, children, families, homeless people, etc.? I get that it’s a lot easier to adopt a pet rather than a child or a family however, it allows human neglect to be acceptable.

#5 Owning a pet is another thing that perpetuates the idea of consumerism, which has messed this country up so badly. Your dog needs a cozier, bigger bed to sleep on, your cat needs a house to climb in or your goldfish needs a new tank setup so you swipe your plastic, putting yourself a little further into debt so your pet can…not thank you (because they can’t talk and don’t understand the concept of gifts)?

I have extreme points and I don’t think no one should have pets. I just wish everyone would assess what they spend on their pets, whether it’s love or money, and compare it to what they give to humans (i.e. loved ones, those in need).

So, instead of buying your dog a bed buy a homeless man one and I guarantee the goodness, love and appreciation you will feel will be much better than what you feel after buying an extra treat for your pet.

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This is kind of a big one and is obviously very dependent on where you might live. However, whether you’re in an urban, suburban or rural environment you definitely have options. I live in Southern California and am pretty fortunate to have local, organic everything at my fingertips however for those of you in different climates you may be closer than you think to a farm. The thing is: there are so many benefits to eating locally.

#1: Helps your local economy.

#2: Knowing where your food comes from gives you a sense of pride, confidence and control.

#3: It’s healthier.

#4: It can be a lot more fun than waiting in a long line to purchase a bunch of processed, mass produced products that perpetuate unhealthiness in America.

#5: It is something small you can do to promote a greater change within our communities and our world.

#6: It just tastes better!

Google search “farmer’s market”, “vegetable farms”, “eating local” within your area and see what’s out there. If you have kids, make them a part of the process as well. They love to be around dirt, pick things they can eat off trees and talk to real farmers who have grown the food they get to eat. The choices in your area may be restricted however if there was a higher demand-the options would grow (literally). We are stronger in numbers! Also, it doesn’t have to be limited to finding your local farms but this goes for local markets, local restaurants, basically anything that is independently owned and is not a chain.

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Growing up I loved to cry. No matter if they were fake or real tears, I felt as though it gave me so much power. Power to control what people could give me. A soccer coach that would end up not making me run as much because of my tears, a teacher so they wouldn’t yell at me about missing my homework or my parents so they wouldn’t ground me when that teacher called home about the missing homework. I did it to friends, boys I had crushes on, babysitters. It was obnoxious. I finally learned, somewhere in high school/college, what was happening. I was making myself look weak. Friends and my parents were beginning to treat me differently, as if I was fragile. That was the biggest insult and that’s all it took. I stopped crying. I stopped needing people. I stopped the damsel in distress phone calls. I pushed everyone I loved and that loved me away. I became tough. Serious. Independent. I felt so strong and as if I could accomplish anything for the first time in my life. However, as good as all of the newfound confidence felt, I still had an urge to cry. But, I suffocated it. I wouldn’t allow it. Even alone in my own room, I would fight against it. I didn’t want to be that girl. Awhile later, everyone began to mention to me how cold, guarded and isolated I was becoming. It wasn’t just the tears that were gone but my sensitivity towards others had been lost as  well. A piece of me was gone. So, I started crying again. By myself and only in front of others sparingly. It felt so good to allow myself to be comforted, get out my frustration and sadness which then would allow me to leave it. Once the tears had escaped, I could move on. Strengthen and grow. So, cry. In the mirror to yourself, into a pillow or to a friend and then laugh at yourself for having so much pity for yourself.

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