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I used to be one of those girls that believed I was more of a guy’s girl. I didn’t “like” girls. It’s embarrassing to admit but I would say things like “they’re too catty” or “they love drama”. The best part of that is I was being catty and creating drama by having that attitude. In the past 5 years or so I’ve really changed my outlook without even trying and because of it I’ve not only created incredible friendships with new females but strengthened the ones I already had. Men and women are so different and as a woman, I don’t think it’s fair for me to depend on a man to give me everything I need (which, I have to admit, can be a LOT at times). Both genders have their strengths as well as their weaknesses so, why not rely on the strengths and not blame everyone for their weaknesses? Females are not only born cheerleaders but they are compassionate, listeners and eager to help  so why would I want to close myself off to that sort of support? I don’t know where the anomosity stems from; jealousy, insecurity, superiority but those negative attitudes only act as barriers in our path of growing, learning and moving along. So, ladies, be kind and good to your sisters because we are all in need of the same thing and we are all capable of giving which allows us to be open to receive. Namaste.

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It’s not a secret that I make a lot of mistakes. I’m not perfect and I defenitely own the fact that I’m not. The thing that frustrates me is that no one is perfect yet not everyone can admit this. There are too many people in this world that have a hard time accepting responsibility for their actions and admitting they may have been in the wrong. I believe it’s easier to say “I’m sorry” than living with the knowledge of someone feeling upset with me. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it doesn’t matter if I believe what I did was wrong but rather if someone felt hurt by those actions. Empathy, compassion and love should come before pride.

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There are only a few things that bother me more than passive aggressiveness. It’s not healthy, it’s not proactive and it’s not straight up. Passive aggressiveness is the consequence when someone is unable to say no or “I don’t like this”. I think in our world today we tend to overcommit ourselves and spread ourselves too thin. Not to mention no one wants to be the “bad guy”, we don’t want to disappoint or hurt feelings. Part of me even believes that politeness is ruining our social society. It’s okay to not agree, feel hurt and be unable to do something for someone else and it’s alright to express those things. Communication is key and most of the time it’s not just the words but rather the delivery. People are sensitive, even the ones who pretend that they’re not (usually they are the most sensitive) and how you say something to someone can be more important than the words themselves. There’s no need to say “no” in a snide and annoyed way but rather “Ohh, bummer. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do that”. It’s easy. Try it. I love saying “no” (I promise I’m not a tease, though) and find it very liberating!

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The older I get the more people I meet, the more places I move and it’s only naturally for me to want to visit the people and places I’ve left behind. Not to mention, there are all the places in this world I dream of visiting or revisiting. But, when I add up vacation days, money and airfare the numbers don’t always work in my favor. Plus, the amount of time it takes to actually travel somewhere doesn’t make some trips worthwhile. It is impossible to travel everywhere I want in one year and I am forced to forfeit experiences (which is difficult for me because I hate when group pictures are taken without me in them). This makes me heavy sigh. So, do I miss Christmas to go to Scandinavia? Do I skip a wedding so I can go shoot a documentary in Africa? How come Europe has bullet trains and we don’t? I wouldn’t have to choose if we had bullet trains and I think the world would be a better place.

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I love babies. They’re fragile and unaware. Not to mention, they’re us and who we used to be. A friend recently had a baby and I was invited to come visit, only hours after her little girl was born. I had been to visit babies, such as new cousins, at the hospital before but there was something different about this experience. Maybe because I’m getting older or because it was one of my peers’ babies but it really moved me. It moved me in a way that brought tears to my eyes and a sort of happiness and excitement that was so precious. Of course, I was super embarrassed because no one else was crying-not even the brand new mom or grandma. After laughing, apologizing the tears away and taking a few photos, I left the hospital feeling so calm. Content. Happy. I felt as if I had been recharged, ready for life and the challenges ahead of me. They say that “being born” and dying are the most painful and difficult experiences to endure (which I’d like to know how anyone knows that) and if this tender little human could handle being born and struggling into our world then we can persevere over our pain, struggles and conflicts.

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I’m not talking about for big things like mortgages, tuition and groceries (although my life would be a lot easier if that were the case) but what if this was the currency we used among our small personal circles? What if every time you needed a favor you had to hug the person? You go next door to borrow a cup of sugar for the cookies you need to make and in return you give your neighbor a hug. Or, you ask a coworker to take on a file of yours so you can lighten a workload and when they respond “yes” you give them a hug. Not everyone is a hugger and for some reason a lot of those people are my friends. I need to ask for hugs and even then I usually get a response of “no” so now I just have to sniper attack hugs. Sometimes when I’m fighting with someone, all it comes down to is me simply needing a hug. Reassuring me that I’m loved and appreciated. If every day, every single person such as people of power, skeazy finance guys and even you and me were randomly hugged, making us all feel loved and appreciated, I think this world would be a better place.

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Obviously, this is a dream. But, if I were in a beauty pageant and was asked what my wish was for the world, it would be this. Right now, I have a lot on my plate. I’m moving out of my loft, putting everything in storage for a few months so I can be a free bird and I have to do all of this by next Friday, which is when I leave town for three weeks. Not to mention, I’m in the process of writing query/cover letters, sending out writing samples/resumes, getting my photography onto a website as well as trying to keep writing everything that’s inside me! Plus, all the things I need to do that go along with leaving town for nearly a month. So last night, after I packed a bit more and before I sat down to write more queries, I opened one of my “special” wines (from one of my favorite wineries up in Los Olivos, CA). Even though I know I’m supposed to save my red wines, I couldn’t help it and felt it was deserving. I’m broke, stressed and in need of a little pick me up. I sat down with my glass of Petite Syrah, put on my headphones filled with Bettye Lavette and got to work. Not only was I very productive but I also danced (yes, by myself) and reconnected with my best friend (again, yes, myself). I love me and I love what I do and I think everyone should love themselves and love the things they do too! This moment that I’m living in will soon be a memory and even though I’m feeling stressed now, it may become a moment in which I look back and remember for it’s simplicity. I’m going to try my best to live in it, for everything it’s worth while dancing and drinking my red wine!

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