Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for April, 2011

Not counting yesterday’s post, it’s been awhile since I updated. I hate to say “I’ve been busy”. #1-Everyone is busy. Life is busy. I’m not that self important and it’s not an excuse. #2-Well, I don’t have a number two. Here’s the thing: even though there have been moments here or there where I could have pieced something together to throw out to you…it wasn’t worth it to me. Instead, I wanted to take those moments to breath, be quiet and (I know it sounds lame) but to just be. Whatever I could have posted wasn’t going to be good enough anyway because I wasn’t fully there to give myself. I don’t ‘want to do anything unless I can fully commit and contribute my best. Life is so short, it goes so fast and I don’t want my moments and the people I know and love to be a blur. So if I dip out for awhile know that it’s not because I don’t have time, thought or love it’s because I can’t give my all.

Read Full Post »

I grew up with a dad (pictured above) who’s motto is “I’m not going to ask for their autograph if they don’t ask me for mine”. When I was younger I didn’t really get it. “But, Jonathon Taylor Thomas doesn’t know who you are.” was my response. Now that I’m a little bit (just a little bit) older I, not only get it but live it. Just because someone’s face may be a tad bit more recognizable or their bank account balance has a few more zeros before the decimal point that doesn’t mean they deserve my respect or even attention. Some could argue that I’m jealous but I don’t think that’s the case. It’s more so the fact that I try my best to earn people’s adoration and respect and I hold that fact partially responsible for me trying to be the best human being I can be. I want everyone to think I’m amazing so, I have to be amazing. So, if people weren’t so easily impressed by fame or fortune those in powerful positions would have to work a little harder to be respected and the world would be a better place.

Read Full Post »

Obviously. It goes without saying. But, I’m talking on an even lesser scale. I killed an insect.Usually I don’t have much remorse but this time it was different. It was a yellow jacket bee and trapping him was too easy. He was on the wall of my bathroom and I only hesitated a moment before I grabbed the hand soap bottle. I intended to smush him but since the bottom of the bottle was concave, it merely caged him. He barely flinched until I dragged along the wall without thinking it would injure him. Trying to bring him to the bring him down to where the wall met the floor, his little legs got stuck under the rim. Ugh, his legs were then broken so when I released the bottle from against the wall he fell into the bucket. He was a big guy. I witnessed him struggle and looked him in his bugged eyes when I apologized. I forced myself to watch him because it was me who had harmed him so frivolously. He was probably crying a little bee cry. Once I had seen all I could I dumped him into the toilet and flushed him. Hours afterwards, it stayed with me. Guilt. I couldn’t help but wonder why didn’t I instinctively try to trap him first and release him outside? I hadn’t been scared of him, I’ve never been one of those people who freak out when a bee is near (I have a low tolerance for those people). It may seem silly but if we had more value and respect for lives seemingly smaller then ours than maybe we could find more value in each other’s lives.

Read Full Post »

I do realize that not a lot of people talk to themselves in the mirror. However, I believe that if everyone woke up ¬†each morning and walked over to the bathroom mirror and said “Good Morning, (insert given name)! I’m so happy to see you!” people might be a tad chipper. The other day I was having a rough go. I hadn’t gotten my morning coffee, gone to the gym like I intended nor did I write, which was the condition I had given myself for not working out. Before I knew it I had wasted my whole morning and was late for a meeting. Before I left I was in the bathroom washing my hands when I met my eyes in the mirror and my instinct was to scowl and reprimand myself for flaking. Instantly, I felt sad and thought what if I had been a friend to that girl in the mirror. Would I have reprimanded her? So, I smiled at myself as if I was friends with the girl in the mirror and said “Amelia, good morning. It’s really great to see you and I hope you have a wonderful day.” Boom. Just like that my attitude changed. I think I’m becoming my own best friend.

Read Full Post »

Last night I was housesitting in one of my most favorite houses. It’s tucked up in the hills surrounded by orange, pomegranate, lemon and avocado trees with two of the best dogs, a hiking trail, a fireplace, amazing coffee and a kitchen I love to cook in. I don’t make any excuses to leave as I want to spend every waking minute appreciating the silence and beauty of my surroundings. Yet without fail, every time I’m here I find myself sinking into a sea of loneliness. Loneliness has been a theme in my life as it is in all of our’s, to one extent or another. It’s a human condition, to be lonely. The older I get the more I begin to realize that everyone deals with it. No matter if you’re old or young, sociable or quiet, married, single or childless. In some of my most lonely states I was, in fact, not only surrounded by people but by people that I loved. It’s my effort to indulge the loneliness, not reject it. I let it in and even if I squirm a bit I try to enjoy it and what it can give me. Last night my loneliness gave me: a deliciously fresh meal, some newly scouted music, 2 (maybe 3) glasses of Malbec, some written words, some reading words and a good night’s sleep.

Read Full Post »